Decisions, Decisions

Life threw me a curve, and I faced a momentous decision. Our marriage was strained, and my husband’s relationship with the kids was getting worse. Should I stay or should I go?

We had lived in Colorado for nearly four years, my husband’s job bringing us there from Arizona. Those weren’t the happiest of years, but I saw the Lord meet our needs in many powerful ways. The kids and I were part of a solid, Bible-teaching church, and I had a few close friends there.

For whatever reason, I chose to go it alone on this one, a pattern I had developed and couldn’t or wouldn’t change. I set aside one day a week to fast and pray, taking walks at mealtimes and praying. I wanted to be sure of the Lord’s will. Leaving my husband was a last resort, one I didn’t take lightly after 18 years. I could have met with our pastor and his wife. They were loving, trustworthy people. I should have asked every close friend I had to pray for God’s direction for me. I didn’t do any of that. What held me back? Pride? Fear? An independent spirit?

The Bible says in several places that there is wisdom in seeking advice. Proverbs 15:22 in the New Living Translation says, “Plans go wrong for lack of advice. . .” I don’t think my decision was necessarily a poor choice. As it turned out, it became my only choice when the relationship between the kids and their dad became unbearable.

My children and I ended up back in our home state of Illinois, living in my dad’s house. Sadly, he had died a few months before, and my siblings kindly put aside their inheritance awhile, so we would have a good place to stay. Things worked out okay, but having people praying would have given me a sense of encouragement that the family of God is meant to give.

Recently, Pastor James said in a sermon, “Humility, honesty, and transparency lead to community. The word fellowship in the New Testament means sharing of my true self.” Hindsight has revealed how badly I needed to humbly share my troubles and gain the support I desperately needed.

Since then, I’ve matured in this area, asking for prayer as I’ve met challenges. A biblical counselor helped me work through issues after our move to Illinois. Today have a mentor I reach out to from time to time. The Bible says, “Make plans by seeking advice;” (Prov. 20:18). Decisions aren’t meant to be made all by ourselves.