A Goldilocks Life

Back Row Pew

My heart raced as I entered a church for the first time in decades. As a family, we didn’t attend regularly. Dad would drop us off at the Sunday school down the street when Gram T. would guilt him into it. So, God was not a topic of discussion but more often a swear word at home.

Something changed in a dark bar a few nights before that, as I celebrated my 30^th birthday. After dinner with my work friends, a few of us headed into the lounge as the karaoke drew us in. The darkness mirrored what was going on at home. My estranged husband had come over to babysit our 3-year-old daughter, and deep down it was hard to keep on a happy face. As I sat having one more drink, suddenly the lights became brilliant around me, and I felt a Presence I never knew before. At that moment, I realized there was a God who loved me! Tears streamed down my face, whether fear, joy, or a mixture of both, I’m unsure. I left in a hurry without saying a word.

Next day, my coworker asked me how I was doing. She had been there as I cried my eyes out. I told her about the bright lights and God and my distress at home. Her kind eyes glistened as she suggested I tell my brother, Jim, about what had happened. She was a Christian, and a few months before I had told her about my brother talking about his faith with me. Then I had dismissed him as a crazy Jesus freak. Now I realized she was right. After work, I called Jim and he came right over.

Fast forward to the next Sunday as I walked into the Bible church holding my little girl’s hand. The women welcomed us and directed me to the childcare room. That morning, as I listened to the pastor read the Bible and began connecting the dots with what Jim had me reading that week, my heart became peaceful and I realized I needed to know God better.

Recently my friend Serena Ray and I wrote a song that describes what it was like accepting Jesus at church after hearing the truth of our need for Him. The song I share below was written with fond memories of that time in each of our lives. Please take time to listen to “Back Row Pew.”

Click below to listen to “Back Row Pew” written by Lynn Lilja and Serena Ray. Recorded by Joel Rose Recording

Loved

Today we celebrated February birthdays and Valentine’s Day with our neighbors. Steve was the only birthday person who showed, so there he stood beside balloons and the lunch spread. At one point, a neighbor walked by and threw her arms around my neck. What a pleasant surprise! I love spontaneous hugs, and I’m still enjoying the warmth it gave me deep inside.

Another tender moment or two I experienced was as I read through a portion of the Bible. Psalm 119 is where I’ve spent most of my reading time this week contemplating what blessings God promises for reading His word. I’m finding many already. Integrity brings joy and helps me not compromise with evil. If I pray for my actions to fit with God’s decrees, then I’ll face no shame. And one plea that was especially touching: “Please don’t give up on me.”

If you’re like me, you sometimes wonder why God would even love you. I feel so inadequate and lose my temper easily. Discouragement sneaks in when I think of the ways I compromise by wrong choices in my use of time and money. My weight loss goals stay the same, and the scale never moves down even a pound.

Yet God says that He made me, created me (v 73) and is always fair (v 75.) He promises that His commands will make me wiser than even my enemies (v 98). In Psalm 121 God reminds us that our help comes from Him, the maker of heaven and earth. His promises speak love. What greater help is there in all the world than that of the Lord who always watches us and stands beside us as protection?

Just-Right Mom

This week would have been my mom’s 92^nd birthday. Funny the things I remembered. Last night as we ate tomato soup for supper, I thought of one special meal of homemade tomato soup as a kid. When we grew up, a lot of moms took advantage of shortcuts to cooking. It was the all the rage then. Cake mixes. Canned spaghetti sauce. One night, Mom served a delicious meal with whole tomatoes broken up in a rich broth of whole milk.

There’s the night my boyfriend broke up with me – over the phone!! Mom found me crying, sat next to me on the stairs and put her arm around my shoulder. Pure comfort at a time I needed it most. With seven siblings, moments alone with Mom were rare and sweet.

As young parents, we moved across the country, and life was tough out west those first few years. Our car broke down again, and this time the mechanic we were getting to know very well told us it wouldn’t be worth fixing again. I called Mom, and she loaned me the money to buy a newer car. I’m not sure I ever paid her back. Forgive me, Mom.

I’m thankful for many blessings being Pauline’s daughter. Was life perfect? Hardly. Did she never make a mistake? Silly question, since none of us is perfect. She was the just-right Mom to me.